So you shredded hard this year and now you’ve got the world’s most epic ski goggle tan to prove it. At aprés, you were legendary. But now ski season is over and maybe you’ve got a job interview coming up or you’re due to be a bridesmaid at your best friend’s wedding – can you even out your two-tone face fast?
You’re not the first one to regret your UV decisions.. Many rad bros and Bettys before you have taken to the internet to try to find a fast way to get rid of their goggle tan, sometimes because they have an event coming up, other times because they called in sick to work to go skiing and now wear the proof of their lies on their face. As you’d expect, the suggestions are hilarious. The following are some of the funniest (and worst) user recommendations from around the web:
1. Sunbathe with sunscreen only on the lower half of your face
This one is surprisingly common and we fear people are serious. We do not recommend it. You’ll simply trade an ivory forehead for a pink, blistered one which doesn’t seem like much of a solution. Wear sunscreen on all exposed skin when you are outdoors.
2. Ski naked
We do applaud the preventative approach and this is obviously the best way to avoid any tan lines, but there are various ramifications when it comes to chairlift hygiene, frostbite potential and there's less protection when a bull moose invades the slopes.
3. Grow a beard
Okay, this could actually work for some of us. A lot of us take months to grow a thick beard, but if you’re one of those folks who has a fine five o’clock shadow before lunch, you might want to perform a sleight of hand to hide your tan. If you’re not able to grow a beard, why not wear a fake one to hide your tan? Please not that option does also require you to wear a flannel shirt and carry a camping axe that you do not know how to use.
4. Keep your goggles on
This one takes a fair amount of confidence to pull off, but it is possible that you could just keep your ski goggles on for another three weeks or so after closing day until your tan fades. You know, wear them to the grocery store, to the office, on a first date. This won’t help you if you work outside, mind you, as your tan will just get ever more pronounced, but it would certainly lend you an air of mystique.
5. Use it to attract a mate
Don’t forget, in many circles, a goggle tan is a sign of prestige. It shows that you spent your winter shredding gnar in the sun while us mere mortals toiled at their desks under fluorescent lights. There are some who recognize your skiing prowess from a goggle tan and will find the pull irresistible.
6. Dress up as a raccoon
When in doubt, make it look like your goggle tan is intentional, and not the result of you forgetting to wear sunscreen. Complete the look by donning a stripy tail and black gloves. Change your name to Rocky. Own it.
How to get rid of a goggle tan
In all seriousness, if you clicked on this link looking for a way to get rid of your goggle tan fast, you can’t. As the Cleveland Clinic explains, it’s not a good idea to spray tan your face since the FDA hasn’t conclusively ruled out any risk when you inhale or ingest the spray, or if you get it in your eyes, nose, mouth, or lips.
It’s possible that exfoliating your face could speed things along, but you’re probably just going to have to wait 7 - 10 days, according to the folks at Hawaiian Tropic, and wear sunscreen in the meantime. Probably the best advice on the internet is simply to embrace your goggle tan and wear it as a badge of pride.
Next winter, however, you can avoid it in the first place by wearing sunscreen every time you ski, and even covering your face entirely with a balaclava on cold days.
